Limiting it & Using it Positively
There’s a lot of information out there on parenting online and in books and magazines. There’s more information available at our fingertips than ever before. But which of that information is right for you as a parent? What kind of parenting advice is right for your family?
I want you to have evidence and science-based information. To understand how, when and why certain parenting tools work or don’t work so that you can then have the resources in your parenting toolbox to decide what’s right for your unique family.
At the beginning of this workshop, I’d like you to think about identifying and setting your parenting goals.
When we start this journey of Positive Parenting. It helps to have a destination or goal in mind. I’d like to pose a question to you. What are your parenting goals for your child?
Take the time to write down the 3 lists we talked about in the video. Put them side by side and keep your goals list as a motivation. Work on remembering your parenting goals when in frustrating situations to give you patience and think about which Positive Parenting tool to use.
How do you change a difficult situation into a learning opportunity and experience with your child?
List 1. What does your child look and sound like when he/she is 30? Does your list include traits such as; responsible, compassionate, honest and self-motivated?
List 2. Now I’d like you to think about and write down what discipline tools you’ve already tried as a parent. What does that list look like? Does it include time-outs, threats, reward based on good behaviors or depriving your child of something he enjoys as punishment?
I’d like you to put these lists side by side. Is your child learning the skills necessary today that will help him or her grow into those adult characteristics you hopped for them?
List 3. As we go through this workshop I’d like you to fill this list with all the Positive Parenting tools you connect with. The tools you feel will support you in raising your child into the 30-year-old you want him/her to be.
Using these tools every day as much as you can is one of the ways to set a loving and respectful foundation between you and your child. Every time your child acts-out, throws a tantrum, doesn’t listen or won’t cooperate is an opportunity for you! An opportunity for you to model to your child that empathy, listening, acknowledging feelings, understanding, respect and communication works instead of forcing, threating, shouting, bribing, depriving or scaring.
I know it’s tough to have the patience or presence of mind to think of long-term goals every single time your child acts out. I’m there with you with two kids and sleep deprivation for the last 4 years.
Positive Parenting isn’t Perfect Parenting. It’s doing the best you can when you can. It’s knowing the alternatives to when we lose it so that we can do better next time. It’s knowing we CAN do better or differently next time and talking to our kids about our own behavior honestly and openly so they learn that mamas and papas also make mistakes. That mistakes are OK, they’re opportunities to learn and do better next time.
My Technique to Helping You Reach Your Parenting Goals without Feeling Overwhelmed
There are so many daily issues to deal with as a parent of young children. Using the Positive Parenting tools needs practice and patience. It can become overwhelming to deal with all the challenges at once.
Every week I put a small target for myself and my family to try to make life better and work on ourselves one little step at a time. It helps me keep myself from feeling overwhelmed or asking too much of myself, kids and husband.
This is what I want you to do.
Step 1. Make a list of the daily challenges you may be having with your child. Your list might include challenges like; my child doesn’t listen, my child had tantrums or getting to bed is a daily struggle. Most likely you have more than one challenge going on.
Step 2. Pick the top 3 challenges you’d like to tackle with your child. The ones you feel are the most important. Maybe getting him to feed himself moves lower down the list but getting out in the morning on time is more important.
Step 3. I want you to pick the most important one to you. That situation you dread every day. You know what I’m talking about. The one.
Step 4. Make that your weekly goal for as long as you need. That’s the daily challenge you need to practice with
Step 5. Figure out which of Positive Parenting tools we discuss could help you make that challenge easier for everyone. Make a list every time you feel a Positive Parenting tool can support you in making this challenging situation easier.
Step 6. Figure out how to map those Positive Parenting tools during your day. Do you need to make time for one-on-one special time? Let’s do that in the morning. Do you need to communicate more about what your child can expect? Let’s try that for nap time.
You’ll be encouraged to experience that the Positive Parenting tools you start using will not only change unwanted behavior but also encourage positive behavior and the development of the characteristics and life skills you want for your child.
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